-

2009-03-24T02:13:00.002+08:00

Moved to http://bloodlustexposure.blogspot.com/

2009-02-07T15:54:00.002+08:00

Snips from these past days:
- Read 2 books, going to go get Twilight today (smiles)
- Drinking session getting way high the past 2 days
- Crappy headaches in the morning
- Getting to see ex the past 2 days
- Watching Twilight today made me want someone like Edward.
- Might be going back to school the next week.
- A messy talker when i'm high.

Planning to get 90210 and Gossip girls on book too.

I'm taking up reading again! Pay came, wasn't as much as I expected. I want to flood myself with books everyday. Soon enough, I can finally leave what I don't want people to remember me for and pick up a new lifestyle.

Hey, nobody said impossibility was impossible.
I want to drink tonight, again. Damn.

I texted someone who meant a lot to me yesterday, it eased and comforted me that somehow that someone is still here, somewhere. Means alot.

11th March,

2009-02-04T14:58:00.003+08:00

"Tired of trying, trying to not try"

It's been a while... I'm back now (smiles) The past few days has been, how to put it, ridiculously mind, body and soul exhausting. I almost walked out of the life that knows me best, put down someone I knew longest, extinguish friendships.

I grew sick.
Then Lilian brought a book which I got hooked on yesterday noon, I finished it this morning. It made me think, a whole shitload. I reckon I haven't been the best person to seek comfort in and to be around but I'm getting around...

Life's just been stale. Love rusty. Only the ties with my mom stood through.
(deep sigh) On the optimist side, 15th episode of 92010 is out yesterday!

Never had the courage,

2009-01-28T10:17:00.003+08:00

I've dialed your number half a thousand times
Hoping just to hear your voice on the other line
I never had the courage to finally make that call
I've been missing you so much
Have you been missing me at all?

I need you here now
More than ever before
Cause if you're not by my side
Tell me what is worth living for
I've never had the courage
To tell you how I feel
But honestly I've always loved you
And I promise I always will

Don't take your time
Come on home tonight
Cause every second wasted
I'm here holding on for life
And with every breath I take
I pray you'll find
That I'm the boy you can't get off your mind

I never had the courage
To tell you this before
But every day away from you just makes me love you more

"But one thing I know is that boy gave me something I didn't have before.
What's that?
Hope."

That's what everyone is searching in our incapacitated lifetime, the finding of a lost elemental from our childhood, Hope. I'll continue searching it with the years that would soon pressed neatly into my longing memories.

The momentum of keeping someone I love near to my heart sounds pleasant, then.
Now it's vague, crucible and heart aching.

Which is why I chose to go (smiles)
Might not be the best but I know, somehow, I wouldn't regret.

2009-01-23T22:41:00.002+08:00

Met up with D and R, it was great catching up with them. Met Huimin and Vanessa for a little while too (smiles) Today's been a good day, tomorrow will be better.

Reunion dinner on Sunday night, kind of dreading it...
But, anything to please my mom.

2009-01-22T22:01:00.004+08:00

"When you fight fire with fire,
You just get more fire"

I've been living with this quote for the past couple of months. Ever since that first incident at work, I retained my quo, got over and understood that not everybody would appreciate one's presence in their life.

Things turned out great, now.
If I had to be such an obscuring, stuck-up snob, and told her off... Awkard.

Quote, unquote (R): Take every single phrase in your life as a learning opportunity to learn how to be yourself, instead of a barrier which prevents Nicole from being Nicole.

Hate post,

2009-01-22T17:29:00.004+08:00

These past few days were either spent busting my ass working or just flat buried myself on my couch on the days I got off. So routinize, every demanding movement or choice I lead myself to, it has brought nothing but self-complacent.

I've been taking the easy way.
Sometimes nic likes to quirk up a little drama, however, last thing I need crucially right at this moment is the limelight screaming at my face.

You guys break up and then make up. You all fight and then have the lustiest patches. I'm growing tired, INFACT, everybody is. If you hate each other so much, why love in the first place? If you love each other in the first place, then why consider breaking up an option?

Grow some poise. Leave a scene, unrattled.
Grow some brains too.

As a friend, I still hold so much admiration for you. But sometimes, you just completely make me want to change my mind. You want people to be there for you but you don't want to return a favour back.

It's bullshit _|_
And i should know better than to blog such an anonymously pin-pointing post this is, especially when we might be going to work together soon.

This shell I'm currently just eradicating, it's staying.
I'm tired of letting anyone getting to me and let them bypass me.

(L)Naima,
"I have never felt beautiful in my life, before. But when I stepped into this room, I felt it. I finally felt that I am beautiful."

2009-01-20T22:24:00.002+08:00

Mature, difficult way: Clam and settle my anxieties, have a positive outlook then think through things.

Immature, easiest way out: Scream "Fuck the world!!!!!"

Guess what? Fuck the world!!!!
Hell yes, I'm an immature snob.

Who smokes like crazy and bought a new inhaler today!!!! \m/
Tomorrow, take over the world.

2009-01-18T21:08:00.004+08:00

I have always confronted myself, have always adviced, thoroughly screamed, justified my actions and at the end of day:

I'm still afraid of myself.
These past few days, I've been growing more and more afraid of my future.

Would I be as successful as how my imagination perceive? Would I receive the education I dream of? Would I make my mom proud of me at graduation? Would I ever take a risk to step out of my own comfort zone and into the world of competition.

I wished I could answer I am ready and unconfused.
But I really am not.

"I want to be a pure man,
I want to be a true man,
I want to be the man you'll lean on to,
I want to be all the love you could ever find in a man"

With a smile, It can change the world.

2009-01-18T10:03:00.004+08:00

"Chase opportunities in your life,
Or life will chase you down."

I've been doing good great, living life and enjoying simple pleasures.
I won't say that deep down I feel messed up because I don't entirely feel that I am.

But I'm grateful... to this one person (smiles)

Looking into depth at positivity,

2009-01-16T00:33:00.007+08:00

Having you in my life, I have always been constantly throwing my dignity just to please inner inhibitions. Finally, finally, I found the courage, the guts, to throw you out of my life. Yes, I wasted a couple of worthless tears tonight too.

I'll be fine the next day.

Because I know, I deserve better (smiles)

And love shouldn't restrict me into such little boundaries.

Let me see, the bleaching of my fringe turned out great!!! I'm smoking heavily again. Starbucks daily. I'm not clubbing excessively. I've got kaching in my bank! I'm going to go get a tattoo at the end of next week.

Life is fucking good.

Spanish lullaby,

2009-01-13T09:54:00.004+08:00

I'm gonna stay
You can't push me too far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

I am still complacent, regardless of countless tries of wanting to walk away... I sound like an immediate failure in every novice way.

Doing closing tonight (smiles)
Starbucks lift my spirits, please?

I got my haircut yesterday, going to dye my hair tomorrow!!!!
Bai bai blackish brown fringe.

2009-01-11T22:12:00.004+08:00

~~This crush ain't going away.~~

So is this flu. I spent my past few hours watching America, auditioning, for Americal Idol (season 7). Which also meant that I skipped work to watch this unfufiling marathon! I'm exclaiming with unsatisfaction.

Watching the marathon made me realise how I threw away my passion for singing just because the conductor was hauling my ass all the time. And I hated it. Seriously, nic, capital L.

Oh god... Make this flu go away right now.
I think i'm going to sleep, catch a movie tomorrow then spread my flu bug at work!

2009-01-11T00:21:00.003+08:00

It's difficult trying,
However it's tougher trying to forget you.

My day kicked start with work at 8am, Matin pulled so much jokes and gave me cardiac THREE times. But it was fun (another reason why I adore working on Saturdays), slam after slam after slam.

Then I headed home and my brother asked if I wanted to go town (smiles)
I am so glad I went there, I saw Geraldine, Yiping, Valerie (etc). Best part: Caroline and Gloria was there too!!!! It was ages since I last saw them.

E2Max, watched The Omen. Didn't shock the knickers off me (sulks)
Next week is Shane's event!!!!!!!!!!

Bloody hell, excited hardcore.
\m/

2009-01-09T22:04:00.002+08:00

Marshmellow sounds good at this hour, dripping with smooth, hot chocolate.

Lukewarm... this word cracks the fuck out of me.
If i was on E, I would be laughing about THIS word.

(post)quote,

2009-01-08T18:57:00.001+08:00

"Everyday that I don't cry,
I feel my heart gets a little stronger"

My hot (hot) sex,

2009-01-08T18:46:00.004+08:00

Backwards straight to the dance floor
Will you still be waiting for me? Will you still be my friend?

I feel like I have to maintain my cool when everybody's raging and upon to pluck their roots out. It drives me insane, from right now, I'm going to be a completely selfish bitch. I don't care if you're about to commit suicide.

That's YOUR shit. Not mine.
Don't bug me.

I can't always be the one saving your life, time after time. I'm fed up.
I'm pissed. I'm exhausted. Save your own life this time round.

I've got my own to rescue. Bye bitches _|_

2009-01-07T12:29:00.002+08:00

I'm entirely hooked on this song, it sounds so fucking good fo'sure.

Gotta check out my work schedule for tomorrow! I feel like the happiest darn kid, who needs cigarettes... Oh and it's PAY DAY.

Fuck being broke!!!!!!!!

2009-01-06T21:09:00.003+08:00

"Love is indeed a two way street."

The first day I take charge of my day, of how positivity should conquer it instead of letting my emotions perception on how blue my day would turn out.

It was great. Geraldine, Tammy and Delicia came over to visit (smiles)
I was so shocked to see them and I missed them enormously.

On the floor for most of the morning hours were just: Me, Fad, Iqah, Farhan and Wandy.
It was amusing, how we made ourselves laugh with 'self-slams', bitching about fussy customers and pulling jokes about customers and on ourselves.

I kept laughing.

Tomorrow off, might be heading to RP, might be staying home and under covers. We'll see.
Nic is satisfied.

"Be yourself",

2009-01-05T20:22:00.004+08:00

Year 09' should be full of zest, passion and discovery. Not lamented to be unadventurous, stagnant and unpromising...

From tomorrow onwards, I'm going to live life how I should be living.
Kicking the bullshits out of my life, taking charge of how fantastic I would look, being a functional human even without important distinct in my life.

Cause I'm worthwhile to be treated such savory daring adventures.
\m/

Nic will reign the world in 09'!!!!

2009-01-04T01:56:00.002+08:00

You've been rampaging in my mind... It wears me down so much.
Taking Iqah's shift tomorrow, I want to work my worries away.

Unwanted C's in my body (sulks)

2009-01-02T20:01:00.007+08:00

Her.

On my day off, i spent it cooping in my brother's room (minimum sunlight mind you) and youtube-ing my life away. I love such laidback-ness.

Urbangermany,

2009-01-02T15:04:00.003+08:00

Does he know you love the thunder
On a stormy April day
Does he know you love the rain drops
And the scent of flowers in May
Does he know you love to daydream
That you smile when you're asleep
That you love the beach and the ocean
And the grass tickling your feet

When all I want is just a chance
To prove that I could be the one for you

Play last night: Sweaty, Crowded, Unfamiliarity and familiarity, Lust, Bore.
It was nice seeing you last night, it was nice seeing you with her, too. Maybe I've grown a little too fond of the idea that you might get back with her that I disregard how emotionally unstable I've been.

I saw my aunt there (smiles)
I'llmissyou.

2009's,

2009-01-01T08:56:00.004+08:00

"I am worn, I am disguised as a pick of my own culture, I am rambling vulnerability, I am rejoicing in pride, I am exclaimed to be a monument of exaction, I am a seedling bud of a new love, I am captured in your maine fantasies, I am mimed to become a lover, I am fallen to learn about masked truths, I am credit to your loyalty.

I am whoever, whatever, you want me to be,
I am, Me."

Happy 2009, counting down in store and giving Matin a birthday surprise...
Memorable.

NewYear'sEve,

2008-12-31T00:28:00.003+08:00

For those I seek composure in, for those I confided to, for those hands that I held through tough and shaky momentum, for those who remembered my co-existence despite my vague and poor memory, for those who justified happiness and conquered their fears, for those who found love, for those who lost love, for those lonely souls:

2009 would be a better, greater year.
What you received last year should be a memoir, not a conceited, over-analyzed journal... What you would receive this year would be a gift, wrapped with pleasantness and joy.

I apologize to those whom I had not been faithful, been true, been cautious to...
However, I am grateful for those who entered my life and despaired for those who left.

A new year, a new bash of cue resolutions.
1. Be simple, just and true.
2. To love everyone with the inner wards of my soul.
3. Not be conceited.

Just 3, 3 to start a new year, 3 to freshen up a new leaf, 3 to rake the flakes of oppression.
3 to start a new bud of love.

You love me, but you don't know me,

2008-12-30T22:01:00.005+08:00

Color me blue I'm lost in you
Don't know why I'm still waiting
Many moons have come and gone
Don't know why I'm still searching

Now you're a song I love to sing
Never thought it feels so free
Now I know what's meant to be
And that's okay with me

But who am I to say you love me
And who am I to say you need me
And who am I to say you love me

The tranquility, the adoration, the heaves that I've sighed for the past hour, the countless blinks that my eyes has motioned, the continuous pacing of my fingers snapping on the keyboard like a tap-dancer, tapping their show...

I missed being unwritten and unforgotten.
I missed the pleasure of a searing cold edge teasing me flesh.
I missed having to read out a cue card and receiving acknowledgment.

Now i know the sincerity to move my fingers against my skin and feel the cripple of my bones, how my soul collects pugnacious moments, how the breathing grows still and old at the end of day or even how justice becomes unglamorous at dawn.

I'm sixteen of age,
And ~~love~~ life spoils me.

2008-12-29T21:42:00.004+08:00

"Don't push me...",
When I heard that, I wanted to scream into the jagged pinnacles that were forming on my distant, maybe even lost, heart.

For the past few days, I have been living off coffee and cigarettes.
Appetite goner; Emotional goner, capital L to nic's forehead.

Fine and dandy is my quo.

That if you fall, stumble down
I’ll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I’ll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cause
I’ll be waiting if you fall
You know I’ll be there for you

2008-12-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

I knew it, right from the start. I knew it.
I'd just like to play unaccommodating to the rules.

2008-12-26T17:09:00.004+08:00

For the first time, I'm afraid to die.

Let me be free from you,

2008-12-26T14:59:00.003+08:00

I never got through your disguise
I guess I'll just go, and face all my fear

Haven't had Starbucks in 3 days, I miss it. My cough's still terrible (sulks) I need a new haircut, right now. A new hair colour, or whatever.

I'm so dysfunctional right now

2008-12-25T18:20:00.002+08:00

I thought this Christmas would be different (shrugs)
It's party time!

Your song,

2008-12-24T01:36:00.003+08:00

All my life I pray for someone like you.
I wish i was the girl that you were going to dedicate this song for.

Winter grotesque,

2008-12-24T00:38:00.005+08:00

"It's the the little things that count"

I'm glad I still have that blog stalker hopping onto my blog daily, it makes me feel warm that I'm not just posting and ranting about how lulzy my life is (smiles)

Today work was a little kick-ass.
So.Many.Fucking.Partners.On.The.Fucking.Floor. Seriously.
But it was alright, in the end only left with Fahmi, Nadia, Matin, Fahmi(ep) and Mohsin on the floor then I clocked out D:

The fun was just beginning!

Off until Saturday, people is constantly telling me to celebrate Christmas eve or Christmas itself. I want to reject them, I do, but I can't. I don't even have the Christmas mood switched on right yet, I think i might even forget Christmas if everybody would stop vaguely reminding me.

The day of giving, I don't even want to give any flying part of me.
Not at work, not to friends, not even to myself.

Just gotta give myself a break?

Itwasakiss,damnit.
And you would had known, if you stayed a little longer...

2008-12-23T10:13:00.002+08:00

One thing you can never change out of a convent girl, when you have overhear someone talking bad about behind your back (and not to your face), you're going to get even. In the most ugliest way.

And that's one of the thing being a convent girl is still fuckin'eh awesome \m/

Yesterday worked 3pm-1.30am and I managed to get Tam a job interview today! I'm craving for something to munch on, damn it

2008-12-21T21:03:00.002+08:00

I'm worn out, my legs have been decapitated for the past 9 hours during work. My head aches, my arms sore, my heart disgraced. "Keep pushing yourself, nic, you can do it. Just think of ********...", I dropped 2 mugs, 3 plates and 1 espresso shot glass. Damn it.

Abandonment.

I hate this daily necessity requirement, worshiping that goddess on bended knees.
I need an escapade.

You're the only thing that works,

2008-12-21T09:46:00.003+08:00

I wish I wouldn't forget this trance of emotional view, where I stand, I see fallen and broken pieces. Where I am, is where I want to be, again.

Priceless, the purity of running on adrenaline.

2008-12-20T21:20:00.004+08:00

It would kill you for you to tell me you miss me.
It would kill me to let you know I miss you, too.

Anybody home,

2008-12-19T21:30:00.004+08:00

Nic has swollen cheeks, puffy eyes, runny nose. The joy, the beauty huh.
Stop taking this as a joke, it isn't.

Don't relate yourself or categorize yourself as being "it" when you aren't. It's painful, the torment, the daily inconsistent-consistency that it obtuse the balance of life.

Vulnerability is a poor vindication.

If you wanna make the world a better place,
Take a look at yourself and, make a change.

2008-12-19T16:36:00.005+08:00

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak,
Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

Somehow, in a weird way, that quote makes me feel like I'm not alone in this and there are people struggling forgetting or being forgotten. I am halfway there, trust me.

I am running a cold, damn. Fel, Ming and Jy came over my place after Play to catch their Z's, apparently, ming slept on the bed while I died on my couch outside. Fel and Jy shared the mattress.

Bod is active with only 3 hours of sleep.
Work tomorrow, 8am (hopefully I won't be late!)

Wishyoustayed,
Wishyouhadn'tgonesofar,
Wishyouwentuptomeandgotahug,
WishyouandIneedn'tneedtoendthisway.

2008-12-17T20:52:00.002+08:00

It's funny how avoidance won't make the heart grow fonder. And, just maybe, I am slowly (just slowly) have stopped thinking, worrying, upsetting over it.

Love really kind of does beat the odds (smiles)

Have I mentioned I love Tampines starbucks partners? Seriously they make morning shift hours a whole lot smoother with their amusement \m/ Outing tomorrow@ 7.30pm!

Then Play. Where my party people at?
:) :) :)

2008-12-16T14:15:00.003+08:00

"I love the idea of You. And I will keep on loving the idea of You until I can find someone who will make me let go."
-Ljsecret

I am suffering from a terrible headache, I am craving for Starbucks... I am spending $$ stupidly on coffee, cigarettes and cabs. Triple (C)s. Flying ducks!!!

Yesterday: Outram > Vivo > Wheelock's.
We went to buy alcohol and drank. Too much digression is bad, basically.

I need a cigarette right now.

2008-12-15T08:09:00.002+08:00

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Negotiation,

2008-12-15T01:16:00.006+08:00

Forget.
Need to keep myself sane, need to keep myself in top condition, need to smile more.

P/s: Thanks Faiz for covering my shift tomorrow!

2008-12-14T13:37:00.000+08:00

I'mallyoursifyoueverwantme.

Enquiry barriers,

2008-12-14T12:38:00.006+08:00

Someone to love with my life in their hands,
There's gotta be somebody for me like that.

The day you're sure, I would not be far from you, just adequately distant so you could reach out when you need me.

For now, you don't need me.
You need mind, body and soul. You can live without this substance. You can live without these yearnings. You can still live like a perfect element.

While, I, I can't.

Visionary,

2008-12-13T11:42:00.003+08:00

Somewhere, someday
Let me be the one to catch you when you fall

My hand, grasp it tight. My soul, coo it on dark nights. My heart, don't break it...
I will get over it, "she's out of your league"

2008-12-13T11:19:00.002+08:00

Untacked,

2008-12-13T08:41:00.003+08:00

"Waiting for you is waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing."

I wish, i wish to my heart's quality extent that I meant and correspond correctly to that sentence. But I can't because I know in my heart, I am a stupid, moronic loser who wants impossibility.

Shall go light a candle (virtually) and make a wish.
Requisition. Position. Realization.

Work@3.00pm till pre-closing.
I feel like sleeping until everybody grows tired of trying to wake me up.

Holographic stand-up comedian,

2008-12-12T19:03:00.003+08:00

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shotty cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

"I am worn, not strong.
I am cowardly, not courageous.
I am mindless, not clear."
-Phrase to understate my dribbling emotions of today.

I spent more time lying down on my bed then sit up. And when I do, i light up a stick. Pure enjoyment I can't comprehend, smoking alone. Your own pace you comfort in each inhalation and exhalation. No talking, just condemnation with yourself and time.

Sometimes I think, I think, too much at this age. Or at any age I have crossed by and it lands me up in a state in much regression, I am obliviously pulling myself apart.

Quit thinking, point taken and stated:
Fuckin'eh fool for her.

I shall go find a bag of chips to munch, a movie to delight my senses and decompose for 120minutes infront of my television. Goodevening stalker.

2008-12-11T18:17:00.003+08:00

"You're a weird girl. Weird!"

For god's sake, which humane part of me is actually weird...
(pulls hair and run around) Ok maybe I shan't run around or I will be too flying exhausted.

I went to the polyclinic at 7am, only to be not given any prescription because the doctor thinks I am using Dextormetaphorine as an addiction, or whatever. Bullcrap, I would punch his indian groin all the way back to fucking India.

Herstory@Zouk with B later (smiles)
I miss her to death.

(Post)quote,

2008-12-11T03:00:00.005+08:00

"I miss your face, beautiful girl."
Steal the girl, capture her heart, seal it with a kiss.

2008-12-10T21:11:00.003+08:00

I am severely dissatisfied with my conscience, my inability to control or to restrain my consuming thoughts. It was just jutting me, if I had not made my fall, I would not have break my continuous empathy towards it.

I am strong, I know.
Tomorrow would be a better day than today or yesterday. It always is.

Have you been missing me? Have I been on your mind?

Mystery S,

2008-12-10T00:11:00.005+08:00

:)

Physically drained but you keep me going.
Just you.

She,

2008-12-09T08:04:00.006+08:00

Have you longed to be held, to be gazed at, to be placed as the top priority in somebody's eyes, to be beautiful even in your ugliest state of mind, to be revolved in their chronicles of life, to be everything you wish you could be but: Could never be?

If I had to sing a melody,
It would go a little solemn and mundane.
Just like how life has been strenuous on my soul,
Yet contradict with it's slow nakedness.

If there was a promise she would hold dear,
It would be that:

She would hug you through the darkest, coldest nights,
She would catch you when you fall from your highest dreams,
She would share her world and her light with you,
She would graze the universe just to find a perfect symmetrical star,
She would cross islands, oceans and skies to tell you,

You're amazing.
I hope you'd know she's, Me.

2008-12-08T10:34:00.003+08:00

I know that it's wrong girl what I've been feeling for you,
I can't let it go

Probably an escapade sounds nice at this time of day. I could be lying through the gravitation of truth, of expectations, of sincerity. I could also be truthful and sneering honesty with every fast and slow paced motion.

I have to start keeping it real.
Cold mornings like this make me feel fake.

Lit candles,

2008-12-07T21:04:00.006+08:00

You're gentle on my soul, calming on my fingers and yet vein excruciating.
Your voice's like a sweet lullaby, your eyes has the most electrifying gaze.
You shake me, you break me, you make me...
You're like a king and I want to be the Supergirl to steal your heart.

2008-12-07T18:38:00.002+08:00

Is it just only me that finds this phrase "Nom nom nom" the most adorable shit to be discovered in virtual dimension?

Nom nom nom!
Hahahahahahahahha (goofy smile)

2008-12-07T18:15:00.003+08:00

And I can't see, what the future holds for you and me
But I, hope we can stay like this
I will try my best
Cos what we have, is special

You're my maker
My sanity
My everything
My equality, sugar

I feel sympathy for my lungs, my eyes and demoralizing fingers giving way just about soon enough (punching the keyboard keys continuously for hours)

Shall go request my manager to work during Tuesday and Wednesday.
Need to buy new specs, I feel like a semi blind bat grr.

Pay day,

2008-12-07T12:17:00.004+08:00

I adore simple thrills and pleasures. Never had I been so excited to rush home and tell my mom the good news! I feel like a child but who gives a flying fuck...

I PASSED MY BARISTA TEST!
(screams and runs around like a mad woman)

Give me more Hot Mocha right now, top with whip and caramel drizzle.
Grr!

You're in control, tell me what to do
Just say wait and I'm ready

Wanna be close,

2008-12-06T22:42:00.003+08:00

I wanna be the sun, your stars, your moon
I wanna be a hot summer day in June
I wanna be the smell of your sweet perfume

I wanna be the smile you put on your face
I just wanna be close

Today I feel like a dummy sewn with tattered sheets of clothing, frail and exhausted. My legs could have gave way a minute either but the strength that piled in me were the joy of long, missed familiarity companions.

It didn't feel entirely like home but seeing both of them, made me feel a tinge of urge. Of wanting the present to change drastically. How we shouldn't lead our lives, ignorant to others. Foolish desires.

Barista test, 8am-11am.
I am exhausted and am in doubt about a million shit.

:(

2008-12-06T01:29:00.004+08:00

How do I breathe?
Without you here by my side?
How will I see
When your love brought me to the light?
Where do I go
When your heart's where I lay my head?
When you're not with me,
How do I breathe?

Just got home from Starbucks work, did pre-closing and had a blast laughing with the partners. They kept giving out free amusement because I was falling asleep, made myself a Caramel (expresso) frappe, temporary charged.

(smiles) Now I'm ready to fall asleep on my bed.
Barista test postponed to this Sunday!!!

Gotta wake up at 9am for core training at Commonwealth D:
Then town to meet Fel and co, god I miss them to death...

Beautiful paraphrasing,

2008-12-05T12:15:00.004+08:00

It'd be stupid to stay here everyday
Go ahead just run away

Ed(ward), stop taking charge of my intuitions, of my conscience, of my physical center. I will be empowered with my conscious thoughts, I would disallow all shallowness from you that washes from zones to seas.

I'll make you a fictional encounter.
A cooed hell-raiser.
Burn in Satan's arms.

Friends, they come and they go. The only constant involvement in life.
Ihopeyouwon'tgo.

2008-12-04T23:19:00.002+08:00

I wish a blood vessel in my eye would burst so it gives me a reason to wear pirate patch.
Arrrgh matey.

Like poison you touched me,

2008-12-04T21:04:00.006+08:00

I miss:

Long calming walks with no speech infringement,
Vein thrilling theatre flicks,
Baking passion-filled pastries with heinous grinning,
Telling the ones who matter they're gifts from heaven,
Secretive whispers from dawn to dusk,
Detours from weakening vulnerabilities,
Fervent, warm hugs.
You.

Sporadically,

2008-12-04T12:52:00.006+08:00

You are my top priority, my sunshine, my cup of coffee in the morning.
You are enlisted in all my dreams, terms of contradiction, release of endorphins.
Placement of you in all the directions.

Preparing to leave home soon but it's raining like simile(s) and metaphors. Going to clock in an hour earlier, I have to escape from this confinement as I can feel myself being swallowed in my strenuous train of thoughts.

Don't need to mention her to irate me. Don't need to calm me with your soothing sweetness. Don't need to state epic irrelevancy.

Don't need to, you really don't.
I feel so random. But yet, happy.

Safety of a lie,

2008-12-04T00:02:00.003+08:00

A woman embraced in tranquility, obtuse determination of her ambitions and carrying the weight of reluctance on her bare, naked shoulders. She strips off her coating of artificiality and holds a beauty that radiates a mile range.

She raptures attention in every film,
She cultivate a culture that worships her,
She begins a encore.

She's the one-way ticket out from the identification of reality.
Tell her each night for the sake of unannounced concern that she's Beautiful.

P.S/ A kiss is not just a kiss when two people are in love.

Fall for anything,

2008-12-03T23:50:00.003+08:00

Please don't be so naive, don't wait till your heart bleeds
Love wasn't built for speed, listen to me girl
He keeps fuckin' with your head, tryna get you into bed
And in the morning you'll just hate yourself
It's the same damn things your so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it's the same mistakes that I'm watching you make
You do it over and over again and over again
So before they bring you down

You gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything

I had the intention of staying home, watching movies and being a total moronic couch potato, watching old, cheap flicks (and not attending work) but I shrugged off the intention and went to shower > Work for 5 hours!

Tomorrow 4th December, 5-7pm, free beverages! (smiles excitedly)
Havoc havoc havoc!!!!!!

Came home, ate and popped 4.

IwishedyouwouldtalktomeandtellmewhatIwouldliketohear.

Creditably,

2008-12-03T10:29:00.005+08:00

1. I fear myself, mostly.

2. It is tough trying to get to know me.
It is even tougher trying to make me try to know you.

3. I think crying is for wusses and a vulnerability.

You have no idea but the phrase was directed towards you. I rather you treated me coldly then paste hopes to make me want you a little more. I rather be your secret admirer, period.

How can someone make me so sad but still I only want them to stay,
I wanna say I love you so bad, but I don't wanna scare you away,
Please I wish that you'll understand,
That I wanna be more than just your friend.
I wish you loved me.

Social intuition,

2008-12-02T08:38:00.006+08:00

When will I see your face again,
When will you touch my life again,
When will I breathe you in again,
I think I love you. Will I see your face again?

Expectations beyond realms of our imaginative, willful mind. I'm going to carry myself through the boundaries met, I will be an element that stood alone and remembered. With a will that penetrate through the toughest mountains and soar through the lowest valleys.

Hunger hurts but starving works.
Curbing. Elation. Touché.

Edit: You'll see these lips move with no intentions of mouthing out these words. Have I still been on your mind or just a memoir kept not worth fighting for. Still the same, I missed you. It will never be the same. Period.

2008-12-02T08:32:00.002+08:00

If you'll be my love,
I'll be your mistake.

"I missed you again,"
It was heartwarming seeing your face.

True,

2008-12-01T23:42:00.002+08:00

I want to jump into a shallow pitcher with a rod at the end of it, fishing for mighty prosperous dreams that fulfills a young, child's heart. A heart of purity, of gold and sincerity.

Where could everything run to?
Where could the beauty of lies hid in such a tormented reality?
Where...

I need answers, defined and infinite answers to my limitless questions.
About life, soul, time and love.

Basically I want the world to stop revolving and slow down. Everybody is rushing somewhere, anywhere. It's confusing and imaginative. I want people to take time to notice life, per se. Life with themselves, life inwards and out.

I want to live life.

2008-12-01T22:25:00.001+08:00

Heavy eyelids, aching arm muscles, salonpas pasted everywhere > Burning.

I'm exhausted, I need a break from life.
Oh, I hate last minute canceled decisions. Hate.

So you better not talk to me if you're going to cancel on me.
Just fuck yourself.

Gia Marie Carangi,

2008-11-30T23:13:00.005+08:00

was one of the first woman in the US to die from AIDS, at a young age of 26. She started her career in her late adolescent years where she prosper into becoming a largely known lesbian Supermodel. She also struggled with relapses with her drug addiction.

She still holds captives in many's eyes.
Especially mine.

She fought for life in an industry that spent not a dime on your emotions.
She fought for her mother.
She fought mostly for herself to get saved.

She knows,

2008-11-30T18:45:00.004+08:00

She's sick and to be seeking help in every assorted confinement.
But she can't bring herself, her dignity down just to wave weakness,

She'll slowly lose herself then her last gravity.
Maybe all she needs is a blockage of her own insecurities.

Maybe all she needs is you.

(Post)secret,

2008-11-30T12:20:00.002+08:00

To smoke pot, get miserably stoned and go skydiving.

I love sundays, it spells locking myself up in the room and blasting base-heavy music and stuffing my face with whatever that is in my refrigerator ^^

Junkie4lyfe.

2008-11-30T07:06:00.003+08:00

And I cannot deny
You make me feel,
Like a kid in a candy store
You make feel,
Like I've never been here before

I can't go back to sleep, I am exhausted to my body's maximum. First cigarette lit up with a cup of hot coffee. I need a movie marathon right now and make me feel settled.

Today is an off day, I'm going to stay indoors all day and plunge myself full speed towards msn/youtube/blogger. I am still considering if I should bring forward my Starbucks barista test on Thursday instead of it being on Friday.

Going to go watch a movie right now online,
see you later (smiles)

2008-11-30T00:42:00.004+08:00

And if you are alone
Make sure you're not lonely
Cause if you are, I blame myself
For never being home
I know I'm not the only one
Who will treat you like they should
What you deserve

I'm stuck with writing songs
Just to forget

Minus rant,

2008-11-29T22:33:00.006+08:00

I am inappropriately disappointed with the people who holds so definite expectations on their own passion. Passion is wild, sparkled with equality and has no correct terms to be judged.

Everybody is brought to Earth to fill adequate passion for their career and dreams.
I just can't believe that people are bringing others down.

We are not the best. Nobody is.
We stand as one, individual, to bring our zest into what we do.

Those who got brought down, prove them wrong. Those who claimed that they are better, justify your actions and rethink. Are you really the best?

Life is beautiful.
Don't spoil it.

2008-11-29T22:18:00.002+08:00

Marigold's mango/peach yoghurt makes nic cheery (smiles)
Satisfying mm.

Starbucks morning,

2008-11-28T17:51:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's training at Commonwealth was (againgrrrrr) last minute postponed due to the facilitator's on MC leave so, rescheduled. Went Wheelock's > Starbucks > Fareast > Thumper > Play.

I was too goddamn high, too goddamn drunk and too goddamn crazy.
Eyecandy was there (smiles)

Morning woke up, splitting headache then head to TM for first in-store training/work.
I have no words to describe how it felt but I had enormous fun.

Ok I'm supposed to leave home now to go town but apparently my leg's sore and I have no intentions to leave my air-conditioned room grr. Move your ass, nic, move it move it!

Kiss your own lies,

2008-11-27T15:36:00.003+08:00

I'm letting you get to me, yet again.
I won't, I really won't let you tear me down (again).

Nic is filled with a void of crankiness and trying to not give a flying fuck to those who made last minute decisions. It's 3.33pm, I should be packing my stuff to leave home right now!

Why don't you just get a life? Stop rambling about how pathetic your life is. Stop on your tracks, take a look around and notice there's people who are suffering from poverty. Not all of us are that fortunate to set qualms on love matters.

I won't be one of them. Or specifically, that girl with the facade.

2008-11-27T11:07:00.004+08:00

Have you been doing fine lately?
She has a heart to spare, emotions to ramble and a mind to be warped.

Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
Be my baby.

Horoscope reading,

2008-11-27T10:29:00.002+08:00

Overview

Just follow your mood today, and wherever it leads you will be the right place for you to be. If you're feeling depressed, you're feeling depressed for a reason -- so don't try to cheer yourself up. And if you're ecstatically happy, you're ecstatically happy for a reason. Do not try to make yourself feel a certain way -- especially for the sake of making other people comfortable. They can deal with you however you are, as long as you are your usual polite self.

Today I feel tired, will you guys accept it?

Last minute cancellations, was a little cranky at first (causeIwokeupat6am) but I'm better now. Training at 6pm later at Commonwealth then in-store training tomorrow at 10am.

I'm actually looking forward to it ^^
I missed my monday's in-store training (at6.45am), I woke up at 1pm grr.

Exclusivity,

2008-11-26T13:36:00.003+08:00

The conceptual introduction, the mind-over-body, the purity.

Going to Bugis to meet R to chill and catch up for awhile before heading for training (smiles) I shouldn't coop up in my room, (what'smore) my tummy aches and I'm just waiting for time to fly pass on my digital watch.

I can feel myself falling asleep.
Btw,whatamItoyou?

2008-11-26T00:01:00.003+08:00

How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart
It’s a crime to fall in love again

I let myself be manipulated by it, by you. Again and again. Now I'm just reaching out to maintaining my cool, to eliminating any doubted pleasure, discussing with my conscience and forcing it to plague itself to this.

I've something to tell you and it's escalating about my veins.

Stay true,

2008-11-25T13:11:00.006+08:00

I can't make you love me if you don't,
You can't make your heart feel something it won't.

Lesson learnt: Don't love to live. But live to love.
Stay true, no matter what you do.

I wish for those who are sick to heal, for those who are poor to grow in wealth, for those lepers to build faith that in their remaining days they're still important, for those old to stay young in heart, for those young to be themselves.

And for the hopeless romantics, keep your love long enough to earn someone right to give.

2008-11-25T01:17:00.002+08:00

Tuesday: Maybe heading down to rp or stay home.
Wednesday: Stay home.
Thursday: Starbucks training (6pm-10pm), Play.
Friday: Art of Espresso (11am-4pm)

Club die nic. Nic die club. Die club nic. Club nic die.
\m/ gg to redye my hair again, there was no difference! (sulks)

Bipolar go away!

Change your mind,

2008-11-25T01:07:00.004+08:00

For the first time in a long time, I feel indifferent inwards and out.
I am courageous enough to face my fear and not tremble.
I am justification in element and in power.
I am me, humane.

She's running out of ideas, her limited-revealed imagination and her wound closed heart.
Scratch everything. For the first time:

I feel real.

2008-11-24T10:16:00.005+08:00

(pullshair) I am reading all of G's post because I miss her like how a fat boy misses cake.
Can you come back quick or now or beep me with a text?!

Coffee and cigarettes, my mom reckons my body's cocked up.
I think so too. And i am being way too random.

Grr gg to go dye my hair now!

G,

2008-11-23T22:23:00.001+08:00

Camp kid, come back quick. Nic misses you to death.
Give me your tightest hug when you're back.

I'llholdontoyou(smiles)

Coffee mm,

2008-11-23T20:15:00.003+08:00

Training again today, lesser people though... I was the only Chinese girl there, only realized it when I was in my dad's car (him asking how it went today)

Nic is excited to work at Starbucks (smilesmilesmile)
Coffee overload today!

Cafe Verona, Latte, Caramel frappe and Coffee milk tea.
Just ate dinner, mom forced grr. I can feel my stomach rejecting already.

Went Bugis to find Tammy after that, Pinky re-dyed his hair from blonde to blueish purple. His hair is rad \m/ Then lepak here, walk there now I'm home!

Nic's gg to sleep...

11.11PM,

2008-11-22T22:18:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry that I'm not courageous to pursue my wish but it will be on my mind.

Just three words, I want you.
And it's that difficult.

2008-11-22T21:53:00.005+08:00

Ridiculously. To the extent that I am falling apart and I'm trying to put up a facade to prove to everyone I'm not so weak or mindful that it's making me break.

Nic is backing out.
I'm going to walk out of your uncertainty until the day you're sure. I'll be back by your side faster than you can say my name.

I hate making my friends worry.
Nic just needs a little time by herself, she'll be alright soon.

Goodnight or goodbye?

2008-11-22T00:36:00.005+08:00

I don’t want to be alone
But now I feel like I don’t know you

Tampines starbucks > Century square > Commonwealth.
Met Van for a couple of hours, she went off. Nic went to catch 'Body of lies', it was great spending quality time by myself. I reflected and reflected and reflected, it was disastrous and mind exhausting.

Headed over for Starbucks training, everyone were so friendly that I got along with my seat-mates once I sat down on my chair! Now I can't wait for the next training, i was actually dreading.

Nic's hair is growing fast and needs a haircut soon.
Regatta tomorrow, going to support Jiayu, Sharon and Fadhil!

Tonight nic's going sleepless, expect more entries ^^

2008-11-21T02:21:00.005+08:00

Grr nic why are you such a wuss?
Why do you let such small, unresolved matters qualm your emotions.
Why why why.

I need answers, now.
I need answers for my douchebag tears too.

Edit: Nic just needs a hug from you right now.

2008-11-21T01:59:00.004+08:00

I had so much to tell you, but no words to say
It doesn't matter anyway

Cause I'm a fool for you.

I feel washed up and drained. My mind has been cavalier and thrusting with infinite breaking thoughts. I never wanted to get caught up in this game but you made it easy to deal and let me sight the radicalization of love.

Anticipation for your replies that I seek comfort in.
Nic needs to run away, so far away that you can hardly feel me there. Maybe, then you'll call out my name and I'll come back to you in a heartbeat.

Cause I'm a fool for you.

Town > Tampines > Maxwell.
Drank Q vodka, met a huge bunch of people. I could hardly remember their names, I am barely sober and filled with bursting emotions. I need to fall asleep but my body's rejecting the idea of turning in.

Nic feels upset, unsure how you feel, unstable.
(frowns) I saw my aunt at club Play, awkard....

Timecheck: 5.06AM,

2008-11-20T04:51:00.004+08:00

Kels says:
Overwhelming thoughts, they kill.

I sent you a little over a couple of texts last night, the waiting it's digging me deep and cold, even though knowing that the night is blooming into a beautiful Thursday morning.

A morning full of hope? Or a morning jeered with heartache.
I can feel my eyelids growing heavier with each ticking minute. Time seem to pass even slower with dawn approaching. Morning dew that's collecting on my window are slowly tickling down, the calm sheets luring me...

My phone laid placid on the side of my bed for 6 hours, I kind of hope somebody texts me right now and invites me to go for a morning smoke.
Yes, nic with bed hair and cigarette.

Works of life.

2008-11-20T00:26:00.003+08:00

She thinks about you constantly and tells all her friends how she wishes to be beside you.
She dreams about you in the night and have teasing thoughts all day round.
She isn't unsure.

She is completely sure that she has fallen for you.
~~Superman,shewantsyou.~~

You're the one I wanna chase,
You're the one I wanna hold.
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul.

2008-11-19T21:39:00.005+08:00

JSYK,IMY.
It's times like this where I appreciate writing in first initials and people should decipher it.

Have you ever thought that whenever I see you, my heart is screaming?
Grr (pullshair) nic misses hugging you.

Edit: Nic needs aboslut vodka now. Yuki's buying for me ^^

Cryptive discovery,

2008-11-19T16:52:00.002+08:00

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
but I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
and I hope you are the one I share my life with...

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it , I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side